Chapter Two: Meeting Ryan Andrews

Chapter Two: Meeting Ryan Andrews

(Stan)

There’s at least two sides to every story, sometimes more depending on how many people are involved. Ours has more than just Ryan’s and mine, but we’re the two that matter the most, and it’s why I can’t let Ryan tell it alone. 

Not that I don’t trust him! I do, and I know he’ll tell it in his usual funny and easy going way, but you’ll never get the full story unless I tell you my side of it. After all, no two people can tell the same story the exact same way. 

I could also start at the beginning of my story, giving you background information about my family, where I grew up and how that all impacted the person I was when I met Ryan, but like him, I’ll skip ahead; since all that can be revealed like it was for us as we got to know each other. 

Instead, let me start with something that I’d learned about meeting people and their eyes, because it’s very accurate for when I met Ryan.

I’ve always been a firm believer that a person’s eyes could tell you a lot about who they are. People could study and practice ways to control their expressions, but nine times out of ten, their eyes gave away what they were really thinking or feeling. Giving you a glimpse into the deeper parts of themselves that they tried to hide away.

The eyes told you a story, even if the fragments revealed didn’t quite fit together or tell a cohesive tale, and it was up to the observer to decide if they wanted to spend the time to figure it out or move on. Personally, I’d learned long ago that it was usually worth the effort to dig a little deeper.

So when a set of determined, cloudy, blue eyes first met mine while standing in Trev’s foyer, I couldn’t help but wonder at them.  They were friendly, sparkled with hints of the intelligence and wit as Trev introduced us, but there was also an underlying resolution in them that I couldn’t initially place; that dared me to take the time to delve deeper and find out who he really was. 


I’d already heard a little about Ryan Andrews from Trev, which I guessed gave me the advantage from the way he looked shocked when his attention focused on me. 

Everything I’d been told was good. I knew that Trev trusted and respected Ryan, that he’d been one of Trev’s biggest supporters not only during the past year, but also in the couple before that. What I hadn’t known before was just how good looking he was. 

I wasn’t a huge football fan. I watched it and even went to games, but I couldn’t tell you what anyone’s stats were or how many seasons a player had been with the Bucks or any other team. 

I didn’t pay much attention to what players did off the field either, so my only views of Ryan came from seeing him on the field, the sidelines and on TV.

That’s why being less than five feet away from him was an eye opening experience. He was tall; much taller than I thought he would be. He and Trev were the same height, six foot five, which Trev might have mentioned before, but I’d always pictured Ryan shorter for some reason. 

I had to look up a little to keep eye contact which was a strange experience for me, since most of the men I knew were either around my height or shorter.

Along with being tall, he was unbelievably muscular. If we hadn’t been in the middle of being introduced and the center of attention, I would’ve continued my admiration below the waist.

But I already knew from watching him play on TV that his lower muscle density matched his upper and could be patient and discreet about getting a better look.





His eyes. . .along with showing signs of friendliness, witt and determination, were an incredible color. It reminded me of the sea, but not as clear. More like what the water would look like if it was frozen, but with little sandy islands scattered around. 

The combination of the two allowing them to appear either frigid or welcoming, depending on who they were directed at.  

There wasn’t much not to like about him. He was incredibly attractive and everything pointed to him being a decent guy.  I probably would’ve started flirting with him from the start, but two things kept me from showing my interest; the determination in his eyes and the fact that I wasn’t entirely sure he was gay.

I’d heard rumors, but nothing definite and the last thing I wanted was to make things awkward between us by hitting on him if he wasn’t. 

The kernels of background information that Trev provided during our introduction helped fill in some gaps, but also added to my questions. 

I hadn’t known before that Ryan was younger, and the second Trev mentioned it, I wondered by how much. Knowing from personal experience that there could be a huge difference between where someone was emotionally and mentally at twenty, than at thirty. 


While I knew that Trev and Ryan both played at ASU, I didn’t know that it was at different times, with Ryan coming in after Trev graduated. I’d always gotten the impression when Trev talked about Ryan that along with being his friend, Trev looked after him, like a brother. 

It made a little more sense to me after learning that he was younger, and again, I wondered what kind of age difference we were talking about.

A short introduction provided the very basics, giving me a starting point, but it wasn’t enough to learn who he really was. It’s one reason that I offered him my hand. Besides it being polite, a handshake could help reveal inner thoughts and hidden motives, much like the eyes. 

Too forceful and it could reveal a determination to show their dominance or that they were nervous. Too weak and someone could show that they were timid, sick, or perhaps a pushover. 

With Ryan, it wasn’t the strength or lack of it that revealed anything, it was what happened when our hands clasped that finally gave me a hint about what was really happening beneath that resolution I saw in his eyes. 

That he felt something wasn’t a question. It was obvious from the way his eyes widened and shot down to our hands that he’d felt the sudden charge that passed between us. It was what I saw when they darted up to mine that told me more than I guessed he probably wanted. 

He was quick to cover it up with his carefully constructed veil of resolve but I’d still seen it. He was scared. At that point, all I could do was guess why. 

I wondered if he was already in a relationship or the opposite, he was protecting himself from being in one, or maybe he was scared out of his witts from feeling an attraction to another man. Whichever it was, I was left with more questions that needed to be answered.

The house tour that followed gave me a chance to finally admire him without any witnesses and provided some cute and amusing moments. The way that everyone closed ranks, keeping me and Ryan stuck in the back was funny and seemed more than a little suspicious to me. 

It was all too coordinated and it wouldn’t be the last time that night that I wondered how many were in cahoots with Trev.  

There was the small hiccup when the group started the tour. We both seemed determined to be the last man in line, spending several seconds smiling and motioning for the other to go ahead. 

If I hadn’t been so dead set on having a chance to admire him I would’ve given in. Especially when he gave me the first genuine smile, but I stuck to my guns, and won the battle for the back.

Once he started moving, I took a good, long look and soon wished I hadn’t. It affected me in ways that would’ve made my thoughts obvious, but I couldn’t take my eyes off of him and kept them focused on his back instead. 

That’s when I noticed that he was tense and refused to face anywhere but forward, making me wonder if he could sense me staring at him. 

It was when we got into Trev’s office that I started to feel like the tables had turned. I was looking at a metal sculpture when I got the feeling that I was being watched. 

Curiosity almost got the better of me, but I resisted the urge to turn around and see if I was right. I figured if he wanted to look, I’d let him have a chance. Maybe it would help sway him one way or another.

I took the same approach as we sat down for dinner, giving him some space but also a chance to look if he wanted by taking the seat across from him. The first couple of times that I caught him, he gave me an embarrassed smile and quickly looked away. That changed though, after the conversation steered towards how Trev and I met.

Something about me admitting that I’d been Trev’s sponsor shifted things. Maybe it gave us some common ground since we’d both tried to help Trev or revealed something about me to him; whatever it was, he started looking at me differently after that. 

Genuine smiles replaced the embarrassed ones and his eyes remained steady, even when I looked at him.


The night took another interesting turn when Trev let slip something that both of us had agreed to keep quiet. We’d learned early on that each of us played an instrument; him the piano and me the guitar.  

It was a hobby we’d both rediscovered when we were each trying to find ways to stave off cravings. That’s one of the reasons we kept quiet about it, to respect each other’s privacy.

But as our friendship grew, we started joking about how we should form a band and stopped being so careful about keeping it hidden. 

So when Trev mentioned to everyone about us meeting during the last year, “eating a shitload of pie,” and speculating “way too much about forming a band,” I wasn’t upset at him. Especially seeing Ryan’s interest in learning about it.

What did surprise me, was Pamela’s plea for us to play, something that was echoed by everyone. Knowing how he usually waved off requests,  I figured Trev would turn them down and I wouldn’t have to worry about it, but he didn’t and looked over at me. 

“Whaddaya say?” He shrugged and challenged me with a smile. “Want to give them a premiere performance of Davila and Yeger?” 

I huffed and shook my head. He had it backwards and from what I knew, it wasn’t possible. “Perhaps you mean Yeger and Davila, but I don’t see how that’s going to happen.” 

I crossed my arms, sat back in the chair and gave him a lopsided grin. “Unless you’ve gotten yourself a guitar since you’ve moved.”

The second I saw his smug smile I knew I was about to eat crow. Sure enough, without saying a word, he pointed towards the shiny, black piano on the opposite side of the living room.  

I’d noticed it when I first walked in the house, but hadn’t seen the guitar that was proudly displayed less than two feet away from it.

“You were saying?” Trev smirked when I turned back around. He thought he’d won, but there was still one unsettled matter that I was unwilling to debate over. I calmly leaned forward, rested my elbows on the table and offered him my hand.

“Yeger and Davila. Or there’s no deal.” I presented my final offer and after several moments of Trev trying to stare me down, he slowly raised his hand and shook mine. 

“Deal.” He said with a dead serious expression that he couldn’t keep for more than a couple of seconds. His usual smartass smile pushing its way forward as he continued. “But we should finish dessert first. I don’t play well on an empty stomach.”

After dessert and as everyone got situated around the piano, Trev and I looked through his collection of sheet music. It was pretty impressive and surprisingly diverse, which was a good thing, since we had different tastes in music. 

He tended to gravitate towards more recent stuff and I preferred music that aged well. Which is another way for saying I like the old stuff, but “aged well” always sounds better than calling something “old.”

We finally agreed on a song, a slight miracle in and of itself, and took our positions; Trev on the piano bench and me standing behind so we could each see the music. 

We picked a song that both of us were familiar with, a Kenny Loggins one, Celebrate Me Home, that would work well for both piano and guitar and kind of fit the mood for the evening with it being a dinner to welcome friends into his home. 

It took us a couple measures to come together with the rhythms being a little tricky and us sight reading as we played, but eventually we did and about halfway through the song, we were having a good time showing off. 

The gathered crowd appeared to like it, if the cheers were any indication, but there was really only one that I was concerned with.

As my confidence grew with each song we played, I was able to glance up from the music to see his reaction for myself. 

His smile lit up his face and the entire room each time our eyes met and I had to repeatedly remind myself to look away and back down at the music. Knowing if I didn’t that I’d hear smack talk from Trev about keeping up.  

I’d more than made up my mind by that point, I just needed to get some definite answers from Trev so I’d know exactly what I was getting myself into. 

I had to wait through several more songs and a couple more hours of socializing in the living room before I’d get my chance. It came when people started to mention going to bed and moved towards the stairs.

“Hey, those measures at the beginning of the first song. . .mind taking a look at those for a second?” I asked him a little louder than was necessary. 

Almost everyone continued climbing the stairs and calling back goodnights; all except Trev and Pamela. She looked at him like he was a naughty kid who was about to get busted, kissed him and gave me a knowing smile before turning around and following everyone else.

Which made what happened next all that more unbelievable. You’d think at that point, he’d admit his guilt, but he didn’t. He refused to meet my eyes as he passed by and walked over to the piano, kept his focus completely on finding the music I mentioned and even went so far as to start pulling it out once he did. 

It was impressive, but he wasn’t fooling anyone but himself if he thought I hadn’t noticed what he’d been up to the whole night.

I shook my head and stopped him by pressing my hand down on his. “We both know that’s not what I want to talk about.”

“It isn’t?” His head slowly turned and he very unconvincingly tried to convince me of his innocence by shrugging and fighting a losing battle to keep his expression neutral.

I didn’t immediately respond, but kept staring at him until his smile started winning and the corners of his lips curved upward. “I’m giving you a chance to unload your guilty conscious.”

He guffawed but looked away, proving that he was as stubborn as an ass. If I’d only wanted him to admit to meddling, I would’ve kept at it, but I wanted answers more and I backed off. 

“Can you at least give me some answers?” His eyes shot up when he heard how serious I was and he nodded. 

“How old is he?” I freed his hand and he subconsciously rubbed his as he answered.

“Twenty three. He’ll be twenty four in a couple months.” It was close to what I guessed, but I still wasn’t sure how I felt about it. A six, almost seven year age difference could cause issues, but could also not be a big deal.

I nodded and asked my next question. “Is he single?”

He nodded. “Yes. . .” The pause told me there was more that he wasn’t telling me. It might’ve been because he didn’t want to betray Ryan’s trust, or it was possibly nothing, but I had a gut feeling it was more complicated than that. 

“He’s single. . .,” his voice interrupted my thoughts and I stopped staring at the floor to glance up at him. It was obvious from the way his eyes narrowed and he bit down on his lower lip that he wanted to tell me more but hadn’t figured out how he could.  

“. . .but it’s been recent.” He finally added and let out a sigh of relief when I nodded. 

I was pretty sure I knew the answer to my last question, but I needed to know the truth once and for all. “Is he gay?”

He guffawed again and shook his head. “You really think I’d try to set you up if he wasn’t?”

I smiled, satisfied that he’d finally admitted what I’d known since Ryan walked through the door. He looked away again, hunching his back and shoulders a little while smiling like a little devil whose secret plan had finally been revealed. It was such a Trev look and was what finally made me laugh.

He looked back up and gave me a sheepish grin. “Am I forgiven?”

I laughed again and shook my head. “I never said I was upset. I just wanted you to admit to playing matchmaker.” He picked up a piece of music and used it to smack my arm before returning it to the top of the pile. 

“So you knew.” He half stated and asked as we finally made our way up the stairs.

“You kidding?” He stopped when I chuckled and I gave him a lopsided grin as I continued. “I had you nailed the second he walked through the door.”

By the time I made it to bed, it was close to one o’clock. Normally I wouldn’t have had any problem falling asleep after waking up at six, exercising, driving four hours and staying up so late, but there wasn’t much that was “normal” about what had just happened and I stayed awake thinking about it. 

It wasn’t that I hadn’t had friends who tried to set me up before, it was that it had never been in such a roundabout way. That wasn’t Trev’s way of doing things though. Most of the time, you were halfway into something before you realized that you were.

What also set Trev’s attempt apart, was the fact that he’d nailed it. Undoubtedly because he was one of the most perceptive people I’d ever met. 

He picked up on things even if you didn’t tell him and at some point, he’d put it together that I’d be interested in Ryan. He was one hundred percent right. 

But there were concerns, even after Trev answered my questions and I thought about them as the early morning hours ticked by.

Ryan had been in a relationship that’d ended recently and I couldn’t help but wonder about what happened. 

I thought back to the scared look in his eyes when we shook hands and wondered if it was from being hurt. It would explain the determination I saw, possibly hinting at an internal battle to not give in to what he felt. 

Then there was the fact that I had to ask Trev if Ryan was gay, since I hadn’t heard for sure if he was. It could’ve been because he was a private person, something that I completely understood.

Being in the spotlight meant that you shared a bit of yourself with others, whether you wanted to or not, and there were parts of your life that you wanted to keep to yourself. I did that. Kept past relationships private; but people still knew I was gay. 

Between the two, the fact that I’d only heard rumors about Ryan’s sexuality and that he’d been in a relationship that had ended recently and possibly gotten hurt, I worried that he might not be ready for the kind of relationship that I was looking for. Or, even more unsettling for me to think about, if he even knew if he was ready.

I was too interested to walk away at that point, but I knew I needed to proceed with caution. More so for his sake than for mine. I didn’t want him to feel pressured to admit something he wasn’t ready to or move quicker than he was comfortable with. 

I made the decision to follow his lead and continue doing what I’d basically done since the tour; let him know I was interested but also give him the time and space he needed to decide how or if he wanted to move forward.

The next thing I knew, my eyes were opening to a room full of sunlight, and not the kind that you see when the sun first starts to rise. 

It confused me, since I didn’t remember falling asleep and because it meant that I’d slept later than I meant to. I looked over at the clock on the nightstand to prove that the sun was wrong, but jumped out of bed when it didn’t. 

Not having a chance to the night before, I’d hoped to talk to Ryan alone, even if it was just to for a few moments. I rushed to shower and get dressed, but as I walked into the kitchen and saw everyone but him, I wondered if I was too late.

“He went next door to see Coach after breakfast.” Trev whispered as we both stood at the coffee machine, filling our mugs. “He won’t be back until probably lunch time.” I nodded and took a sip, trying to hide my disappointment. I’d planned on leaving soon after breakfast and wouldn’t be able to see Ryan again before that.

“I can give you his number if you want. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.” I could hear the smile when he added the last statement, but couldn’t keep myself from looking at him so I could see his face when I responded.

“That’s okay. I won’t be needing it.”  I let him think the worst for a couple of seconds, watching his hopeful expression fall from the letdown, before adding, “Yeger Enterprises is making a donation to the Buck’s organization." 

"It’s been in the works for awhile and there’s a reception planned to announce the partnership in a little less than two weeks. His name’s been mentioned several times as a possible attendee.” 

I shrugged and smiled at him. “I might make some calls to try to make that more of a certainty.”

His smile returned and he patted my back with enough force to make the coffee jump out of my cup and onto the floor, but he didn't seemed worried about it or my chances of success. 

“Knowing your negotiating skills, I’d say it’s in the bag.” 

*****

Stan returns home later that afternoon, drops his bag on the couch and walks over to the cabinet that holds the largest part of his record collection. His fingers skim over each one as he takes his time looking for a specific one that he knows he has, but hasn’t listened to in years. 

A wide smile spreads across his lips when he spots it and he gingerly pulls it out, carries it over to the record player and carefully removes the “aged well” record from it’s sleeve. 

The music of Kenny Loggins starts to fill the room and he falls into the couch, smiling as he remembers playing the guitar, the cloudy, blue eyes that watched him, and the smile that he hopes he’ll see again in the near future.

Celebrate Me Home

Please, celebrate me home,

Give me a number,

Please, celebrate me home,

Play me one more song,

That I’ll always remember,

And I can recall

Whenever I find myself too all alone,

And I can sing me home.